If you have herpes, you might be wondering if online dating will work for you. You might be asking yourself how you will approach the task of letting potential dates know about your condition. Don’t worry, online dating can work as well for you as for anyone else, even dating with herpes. It is all a matter of your attitude and how you approach it.
First of all, think positively about your situation. You are not the only person with a medical condition. Everyone has some flaws or shortcomings. You are as normal as anyone. It is just a matter of finding the right person for you. So don’t act apologetic, as if people are doing you a favor by dating you. You have a lot to offer, and you should focus on your good qualities.
What should you write in your profile? Tell everyone what a good person you are. List your good qualities, such as being kind, affectionate, well-traveled, educated, or whatever fits you. List the activities you enjoy doing, the music you like, and so on.
Don’t put “herpes” in your profile. This is a private condition and it is not appropriate to disclose this fact to people you don’t even know. This will just turn them off. The purpose of a profile is to attract someone and get a conversation started. Any intimate disclosures should wait until you are actually talking to someone in person.
Once you meet someone for a date, you can start thinking about when to tell them that you have herpes. You don’t have to tell them at the first meeting. It would be better to wait until you have a rapport with someone. After a few dates, you will feel more comfortable discussing such a personal topic. Of course, this means you can’t have sex with the person yet! But you shouldn’t be having sex on the first few dates anyway.
Around the second or third date is an ideal time to tell someone you have herpes. You know them well enough to feel comfortable, but you have not strung them along for a long time, in case herpes is not something they feel they can handle.
At this time, matter-of-factly tell the person about your herpes. Explain what it means in a relationship, what precautions you need to take, and whatever else you think they need to know. Give them time to ask questions, and answer them calmly. They might be upset at first, but if you stay calm and friendly, they may start to feel better. Your date may realize that it is not really that big a deal.
Of course, not everyone will accept you once they know you have herpes. Some people will end the relationship at this point. But not everyone will leave. If you have done a good job of selecting a person who seems kind and understanding, there is a good chance that they will want to continue to see you.
Online dating is always a matter of trial and error. You have to meet a lot of people to find someone who fits. It doesn’t make any sense to turn everyone off by disclosing your herpes before they have even met you. Give them a chance to know you as a person before telling them. This is not dishonest. It is just disclosing personal information at the appropriate time, and putting it in perspective among all your other qualities.